New pet peeve: checkers in grocery stores who see that I am purchasing alcohol and say, “looks like you’re going to have FUN tonight!”
If only you knew! Every night is a blast at casa de Markel! I AM WEARING A LAMPSHADE ON MY HEAD RIGHT NOW WHOOOOOOOO
Ryan Markel 
I always thought it was funny when they ask if you’ve found everything you needed. What are they going to do if you say no?!
I think the appropriate response is a deadpan/moping: “Nope, just going to drown my sorrows in drink.”